Monday, October 31, 2016

Jarvis JargOnline 2001 - 2002: Humour



Dinner & movie = Lame & Expensive
By Chris Murray

A True Story of How Procrastination Bit me in the Butt
By Allison Cannon



Dinner & movie = Lame & Expensive
By Chris Murray
Let's face it, for most high school students, money doesn't always come easy.

Students, especially those in their last years, generally have the burden of paying for their own continuing education after high school.

Often parents set restrictions on spending, requiring you to set some money aside and the money you do retain for your own personal use, is usually not enough. In an age when entertainment is so expensive, students are finding themselves strapped for cash.

Let's take a moment to analyse the cost of your average evening out with a date. Say you're driving a car; you have to think of gas money, say $10. After gassing up, you head over to a favourite restaurant.

At a typical restaurant, an entree costs around $10, drinks (pop, iced tea, etc.) $1.50, and dessert after-wards, about $5, you're looking at a total of $35-40, plus tip. Now, you and your sweetheart decide to journey over to the local movie theatre. At the current rate of $12.50 per person, you're about to shell out $25. I can remember the good ol' days when a movie only cost $5 for students. But those days are long gone. So are the days when you could buy popcorn for under five bucks. Along with rising ticket prices, are the outrageous concession stand prices.

Depending on the movie theatre, you can spend anywhere between $10-15 on popcorn and refreshments for two. That's not cheap considering you could buy microwave popcorn and two cans of pop for approximately four bucks.

So now you've spent a total of around $80-90. That's a lot of moolah spent for roughly 4-5 hours of entertainment. The sad thing is, many people actually pay that.

However, more and more students these days are looking for inexpensive forms of entertainment.

Things like walking along the boardwalk, going for coffee, making dinner for each other (women like a guy who can cook, hint-hint), going over to the Toronto Islands, or staying in and renting a movie.

Some people find their own perfect spots to take a date. Ben Jensen, a grade 12 student at Jarvis, recommends "the Starbucks at Festival Hall," which has "live jazz every Tuesday night."

Now listen up, because this is important. If you have no money, it doesn't justify being cheap, or at least appearing cheap. For instance, avoid any place where ordering your meal involves use of the word "combo". Also try and avoid going to places for which you possess a coupon. Publicly announcing your love at "Speakers Corner" is not an inexpensive alternative.

Just remember this the next time your special someone suggests dinner and a movie; you don't have to empty your bank account to have a good time! As Red Green would say "I'm pullin' for ya, we're all in this together!

Here are some helpful tips for the financially impaired:
  • Take a boat ride - haven't been over to the T.O. islands in a while? Take the ferry over. The student fare is $3.00, and it's got a great view of the skyline.
  • Walking on beach - take a long walk on the boardwalk in the east end or check out the west end beaches.
  • Starbucks at Festival Hall - live jazz band every Tuesday night.
  • Cloud Gardens - west of Yonge, on Richmond, the park is beautiful.
  • Stay in and watch a movie or spend $5.00 and rent one.
  • Breakfast together - wink-wink!


A True Story of How Procrastination Bit me in the Butt
By Allison Cannon

Have you ever been asked to write something, and although there are a million and one things to write about, it is impossible to decide on any one idea? That was the case for me with this article.

It was the first article I had been assigned to write for the OAC Writer's Craft course at a new school. I was so anxious to choose the ultimate topic -- to start off the year making a statement with an impressive piece of work. I built it up so much that I couldn't, for the life of me, choose a topic.

I might attribute my ineptitude at choosing my topic to still being in the process of recovering full brain activity after a summer in Amsterdam. Was it the culture shock of coming from my 'hippy-haven' of an alternative school to a real live high school with more to my day than a few philosophical discussions, a round of hackey sack with the eight guys in my grade and a guitar/bongo session outside?

Perhaps, I couldn't choose a topic because it was the first time in my high school career that I started to place importance upon my grades. This might have provided ample stress to cause my affliction.

In any case, the fact of the matter, regardless of rhyme or reason, was that I could not come up with a topic! Should I review Apocalypse Now Redux? No, no -I had no words to express how that film impacted me. ( As a side note, I would recommend it - brilliant film!) If I had been up to the challenge of finding words to describe it, I would have done a review. But, no; I decided to procrastinate and wait until the 'perfect' topic fell into my lap. In retrospect, it has become clear that this does not happen. In fact, if I hadn't been so hell-bent on the issue of 'topic', I would have realized that I could've written about anything - the most obscure, seemingly useless topic - and it would turn into a success…if I applied brilliant writing skills. Right.

It has been brought back to attention why I was so insistent upon choosing the perfect topic, easy to work with.

By the night before the article was due, I decided I could procrastinate further and write about whatever it was that my creative juices provided me with in my spare before Writer's Craft class the next day. Wrong choice. The essay and its un-chosen topic was taking its toll, weighing on my conscience.

For four years of high school, you don't place importance on these sorts of things, and what you have to write somehow flows freely from pen to paper. The day you say to yourself 'Time to apply myself to my classes. It's time I cared about keeping my grades up', it all falls apart.

That night, I not only had trouble falling asleep, but it was an unrestful sleep also. The next morning I had to peel myself out of my bed, looking disheveled, as if from the tossings and turnings of one plagued by the nightmares of a guilty conscience.

As I went about the mundane tasks of preparing waffles for breakfast and applying make-up to appear more alert than I felt, a little dude inside my brain was reminding me of the unchosen essay topic! 'Who are you, and why do you only now, at this stage rear your ugly little head?' I demanded of this new academic responsibility division of my conscience. "It's no biggy." My early adolescent anti-schoolwork voice fought back. "It's just one article. Just forget it."

The darn voices followed me, like a looming cloud to field hockey practice, causing a distraction. Being pre-occupied with the un-chosen topic and un-alert, due to my restless sleep, I managed to somehow contort my neck into a position which made for some unhappy muscles.

In excruciating pain, I left the scrimmage to get changed…I had neglected to bring pants. 'For Pete's sake!' (a mild version of my choice of expression for the occasion). I had not slept well, injured myself, and now had no clothes to wear -all due to not choosing a topic for an article and just writing it.

At this point, I thought it best to get myself swiftly back to bed, or at least home. Indeed, I should go home, but I might as well write the essay while I'm there to remedy the situation.

I took the long way to the subway, not keen on running into my new classmates in the state I was in (head tilted due to neck pain, sporting budget cleats with the most heinous shorts I could've imagined, and swearing away at the events of the morning).

Nine o'clock, and I had reached the subway station. At this point it didn't remotely excite me that a fine, fine young surfer-type came to stand beside me on the platform, and I hadn't shaved my legs in a week. It's all relative, right?

I couldn't come close to mustering a suggestive smile, so I concentrated on reading the tilted view of a 'United Way' ad.

I had almost reached my subway stop, and was thinking of how relieved I was to be almost home, avoiding any further hassles, when I saw the token drunk subway-rider swagger my way. He proceeded to try and convince me of how much of a dead ringer I was for Cindy Crawford. Right. "Yooou're much prettier than…uhhh, who's batgirrrl? Oh yeah. You look like Cin-dy." I politely thanked him, trying desperately to avoid his full-force eau-de-whiskey and roaming hands. I clutched my knapsack and gym bag and prepared to exit the train two stops before my intended destination. The less time spent on the train with that dude the better!

I made it home and sat very still on the couch for a few minutes before flipping on Jenny Jones and falling asleep, head upright and tilted.

What seemed like about twenty minutes later turned out to be two o'clock when I woke up at the noise of my mother coming in the house. I realized I had not only slept through my window of opportunity to write my article, but the class as well. It was then that it came to me. It was then that I formulated the concept that lies before you - the topic of this article.

The topic was clear, so my only option was to roll with it, free myself and write the article!

* Since completion I haven't run into any further mishaps, but my neck injury, although subsided to some degree, remains as a constant reminder to not procrastinate.

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